I heard from a parent (don’t worry, it’s no one in our church or that those I am closely connected with would know) who reached out for help. She said that she and her husband raised their four kids in church, and homeschooled them until they finished. But then she said, they lost them. They lost all of them. None of their children will allow them to speak to them about the things of God at all anymore. She reached out to ask if there is any hope.
This is one of the most heart-wrenching things I observe as a pastor. Further, it is something I have observed not only in church members but in the homes of many pastors. I do not want to speak poorly of anyone. Our children are individual souls and will give an account for their own choices. I would say, however, that I would be wary of a ministry whose own pastor has not led his children to faithful life for the Lord Jesus Christ. How is he possibly able to set an example for other parents if he has not led the way in his own home?(1) Some, not all but some, ministries are focused on the wrong sort of success. My wife and I determined, from the beginning of our ministry, that we had to make raising a family much more important than building a ministry. That said, allow me to make these observations:
- Church cannot be optional
By the way, your children will discern when it is optional, even if it is high on your list of priorities. If it isn’t the highest priority, they will catch on. Church is not the answer. Church won’t make your kids a Christian or convince them to be faithful. Church is an act of devotion to the Lord.
- Faith is from the heart not just talked about or lived out
Kids see through lip service when the heart(2) isn’t in it. Faith isn’t a lifestyle choice. It is a matter of a heart after the Lord. If Christianity merely serves to support your particular values it isn’t real enough to pass down to your children’s spiritual DNA.
- Get over yourself
Mom and Dad, you have to love one another, support one another, and love the Lord one as another. Please, don’t just try to hide your disagreements from your kids. Get over those disagreements. Figure it out. Love the “one flesh” that God has made you in marriage more than the one you see yourself to be.
- Invest in your kids
They must not be your idols, but they should be your most precious duty.
There is no way to know how our kids will turn out. Although my children are fully grown, living for the Lord, and raising wonderful children, my wife and I know that the verdict is still out. The fact is, it is still out on even us. This world is tough, the devil is our adversary, and better than we have fallen. But I want to say this, if your faith in Christ is not real, you simply will not be able to pass it down.
(1)1 Timothy 3:4-5 (KJV)
One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
(2)Matthew 15:8 (KJV)
This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.
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