1 Kings 2:1-2 (KJV)
Now the days of David drew nigh that he should die; and he charged Solomon his son, saying,
I go the way of all the earth: be thou strong therefore, and shew thyself a man;
David was no less a sinner than any man. But he was a man after God’s heart, God’s promise to His family is one of the greatest imaginable and he is the founding father of the family from which Jesus came.
We see here David in his final days. He realizes his time has come to pass the baton if you will. Solomon had already been anointed king, but David still had his ear. That might be the greatest thing we could say about his parenting. It is certainly one of the most cherished things I, as a father, can possess. I understand that, in the case of this passage, David was about to die, leaving Solomon to move on without him. I think there are some lessons, however, that a parent might learn about letting go of our children at adulthood. Extreme interpretations of the Word of God imply that a child is under their parent’s authority until they marry. Whether you hold this interpretation or not, our culture insists that we let them go at about 18 years of age. If a child chooses to submit to their parents past that, it is either through intimidation (that’s not going to turn out good) or the humility of the child (we surely shouldn’t abuse that). I can’t imagine David wanted to “go the way of all the earth” but he had no choice. Perhaps a parent would be wise to recognize he or she doesn’t really have a choice regarding letting their child go either. So, what I notice in this account is:
David had an open door of communication with his son
I detect neither intimidation nor manipulation in the text. David charged his son and his son was fine with it. Parents should strive to maintain open lines of communication with their children. That begins at youth, by talking with them when the parent is the one who feels to busy to communicate. We train our children to not communicate with us when, as they were younger, we wouldn’t speak to them. It also necessitates that we provide opportunities for them to speak their ideas without being judged. While we are to guide our children, they have their own individual soul liberty. If we infringe upon it, they will quit speaking to us.
David appealed to Solomon’s faith
Our children are never responsible to ape our opinions. What we pray they understand is that they are responsible to know and obey God and His Word. Our focus in their youth should be to teach them the Word of God, not just what we want them to believe and how we want them to behave.
David acknowledged Solomon’s wisdom
I would point out that this is before Solomon asked for and received that wisdom from above. He did not tell Solomon how to handle Joab, or Barzillai or Shimei. He merely pointed them out. David trusted his son to wisely execute his duties.
Here, I think, are some foundational principles for letting our adult children be adults: communicate openly and not judgmentally, trust them in the hands of the Lord, and finally, accept that they are adults and that they have the wisdom to handle life’s challenges without your lording over them.
Once David died he was no longer there for Solomon to get advice from. Let’s pray our adult children will feel welcome to come to us for advice as long as we remain on this earth.
Marvin McKenzie
In the fields
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